Phord

So I bought an Suv.  I said I never would but i did.  This is a good thing for my family a bad thing for me.  I've been super stressed since i made the deal because I have learned to fear spending money above all other things.  Unfortunately that coupled with my inability to deal with my feelings in an appropriate manner I have been lashing out at my queen.  Apparently the sheer terror of buying a new vehicle i am not sure i can afford has caused me to become an asshole.  I am so worried about having the money to pay for it that I don't want to spend money on anything else for a while.  I know that i am making good money and as of now it looks as though i will sail through my probation period at work without a hitch.  I have however made a very bad move by getting the truck before my probation is over.  I was anxious to begin paying it off though so i thought the sooner the better.  Now i just have to avoid anything negative at work for 2 more months :(  Needless to say that I am now back to my old paranoid, uptight emotional self with an un-needed tendency to lash out.  Although it's quieter than it was in the past it still unnecessary.

Anyway it's a neat truck and i get to drive it to work tomorrow.  my baby boy is going to love it.  He's getting so huge and i miss him all day at work.  and his momma.  And I look forward to hanging out with him when he's awake at home :) 


Hopefully I'll get over my headcase self and mellow out once a paycheck   or two goes by and i see that i can manage all the expenses and the baby needs on one income.  This is all new to me.  I'm terrified.  As well i need to make major lifestyle changes like refrain from smoking and drinking and go workout more often.  My back is killing me and I'm sure doing all this at once will be a piece of cake.  Or the death of me.  I guess in a way I have already died a little since i am not the person i was and all i need to do now is finish off the rest of me and become someone newer.